A Rescue of the Heart
by mcan3
Summary: Carby standalone. AU. Will an unexpected phone call be too much for Abby to take? Only my second story, so be gentle, please?


Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. :pouts:

This is an AU fic, based on some reality from the show. It's from the AU Carby Fanfiction thread on C&P, and my place that I had to use was Pittsburgh. Shout out to all the C&P kids...you guys rock. Ok here goes...

"She's in Pittsburgh," she says, dejected, hurt, weary, frantic. Most of all frantic. Her nose is stuffy, and her voice muffled. Thick. Choked. She's been crying, and he knows it. Truth is he would know the sound of her tears anywhere. Know the secret of her smile from a thousand miles away. He knows these things like they were his own, because in his heart they always have been.

"Where's Luka?" Carter asks, not sure he wants to know the answer, but realizing its all part of the same equation. At this point he needs to know where Luka is, so he can know where he himself must be. Not that he had ever been good at doing that before (there's a first time for everything right? He is kidding himself, and he knows it.)

"He's in bed…sleeping. Oh, to be so lucky. What I would give to be lost…lost anywhere, anywhere but here."

"Abby, listen to me, how did you find out Maggie was in Pittsburgh?" Carter pleads, trying to be the rock, trying to steady her thoughts amidst the onslaught of turmoil.

"She called me…can you believe it? She called me herself. Finally thought I deserved to hear it straight from her for once, I guess. Who knows? I was lying in bed, not sleeping (of course) and I heard my pager vibrate. I thought it was Weaver calling me back in and I didn't want to answer it for the life of me. But I went towards it…looked at the number and didn't recognize it. It was a 412 area code. I don't know anyone with a 412 area code, Carter. And you know, most times I would have just blown it off as a wrong number but this time felt different…so I called it back. Don't ask me what I was going to say if anyone answered, but I had to know. And it was her. It was her, John. Manic and bipolar, on a crazy upswing of emotion, talking about how she wanted to end it all, and paint the living room red, all in the same sentence. I don't even know how she got my pager number. And all of a sudden it came back, and it hit me, I felt thrown outside of my body. I can't do this. I'm not strong enough; the last time nearly killed me. So I grabbed my cell phone and I ran to the bathroom. I sat on the tub, turned the water on…and I just sat there. Numb. Sobbing. Grasping for some sort of answer, because something has to make sense, right? And then I picked up the phone…and I just started dialing. My fingers just punched in your number.

Pause.

"I didn't know what else to do. I just did this Carter; we were in Oklahoma less than a month ago. I just…it's too soon. It's too soon. I feel so alone, I'm tired of feeling so alone and I just didn't know what else to do."

Silence. Thick, heavy dripping silence. What could he say in this situation? How could he make this better? Could he tell her everything was going to be ok? Cheapen it? The truth was he wasn't sure if it was going to be ok, never sure it would be again. It annoyed him that he could treat patient's everyday but he couldn't suture this wound, this continually reopened wound. So he said the only thing he could think of at the moment. At 3:30 am on that frozen, empty Thursday morning.

"Come sit with me."

"What? It's 3:30 in the morning, Carter."

"Please, just come sit with me. Meet me at the bench in 15."

The bench. In all of this, whenever life got too hard to handle, when they needed each other's words, or when they just needed the company of their silence (or the company of their touch), it was always there. And in this moment of tumult and fervor, it would be the constant for both of them. It would keep their secrets and hold their fears.

And so before she could argue anymore (with herself or him, she wasn't sure) she said,

"Okay. I'll see you there."

Click.

4 hours earlier

"Oh my gosh, if I see one more patient complaining that they can't breath and that they need me to give them 'mouth to mouth,' I swear, I'm going to lose it. That's all there is to it." Abby says, blowing out a puff of hot air, slamming a chart on the admit desk in front of Frank.

"Well as long as there's a line…" Frank replies sarcastically.

"Shut up Frank." Abby retorts, not missing a beat.

"So did I just miss the memo for the midnight perverts or something?" she continues.

"Did someone say pervert? Carter says, entering the admit area, curious.

"Of course you would hear that part of the conversation" Abby says dryly.

"Hey, just asking what I missed, admit desk conversation is the talk of the town, isn't that right Frank."

"Oh, and you're asking him? The king of the jelly doughnuts and inappropriate comments? Thanks for that, Carter" she says teasingly. "Well, my shift was officially over 4 minutes ago, and I'm out of here before Weaver finds some way to suck me back in to this place."

"Well there's job satisfaction if I've ever heard it. Let me walk you out, it's the least I can do after joining forces with evil Master Frank, here." He says with a mischievous grin.

"I heard that." Frank mumbles, taking in a bite of a cream doughnut.

The air they are greeted with is cold and frigid as they exit through the doors and into the ambulance bay. A harsh reality in more ways than one, they both realize, silently. It is always in this place that they can joke and play with each other, a little closer than two normal colleagues would be. But when they leave this place a new reality invites itself in, and props its feet up. They know they are not "with" each other. Though they can never, when they really let themselves go there, remember a time when they haven't "been" with each other, since they met. But something has always kept them apart, and left them on the sidelines of each other's romantic relationships.

"So…" he stumbles, fidgeting with his gloves. "how are you, you know, holding up?

"What do you mean?" but she knows full well what he means.

It's a game she plays. Constantly. He pulls her out and she pulls him in. Neither really knows why it works that way, or why she can't just open up. But for now, he plays.

"How are you doing with things with Maggie? It's been a month you know…"

And here it is. One of the one million reasons that seems to pull them apart just as much as it brings them together.

"I'm not sure to be honest with you; I haven't seen her since that afternoon in Legaspi's office." She said she was moving back to Minnesota, that I couldn't stop her. And I guess she's still there. I try to go under the premise of no news is good news. But I think that may just be the denial talking." Abby says, wryly, the corners of her mouth curling in a sad smile. "It's not just a river in Egypt, you know…"

"And Luka? How is he?" Luka. Luka. Luka. Luka.

Luka would be another one of those push and pull reasons that tugs at the heartstrings of their patchwork "relationship."

"He's, you know, Luka. He's good I guess. He worked a half shift earlier today, so it's really anyone's guess of whether he's sleeping or playing Space Invaders right now. It's a little bet I like to make with myself on my way home, you know, try to keep things unpredictable in a slightly predictable relationship." She's joking, using humor to lighten the mood, and he knows it. Of course he does. But he has to wonder about the twinge of seriousness he hears in her voice.

"Well…do you want to stop at Doc's? I know it's late, but we could get some coffee…decaf?" he offers with a wink. Yet he knows full well what her answer will be.

But she hesitates. Looking into his eyes, and then averting away, sighing.

"I should get home. It's been a long shift. And I really just want to curl up and pretend that I'm not on in less than 12 hours."

"I understand. I'll talk to you soon…ok? And you know…"

He stops. Knowing that if he says the words they are out there, like raindrops in mid-flight.

"You know…if you every need to talk. You have my number."

She twirls around to face him and nods her head, giving him a half smile.

"Goodnight."

3:30 am

It is he who gets there first and he is glad for it. The chance to see her coming towards him is always something he appreciates. To him she is beauty. And even in her sorrow, he cannot help but be attracted to her like a moth to the light. This feeling in him amazes him. That even though he's felt it every since he met her, she can still make his heart melt at the flick of her finger tucking her hair behind her ear, or the light pat of her hand against his shoulder in a playful gesture. She makes his heart dance. And she doesn't even know how much. Hell, he's not even sure he can understand the depth to which she does that to him. But he knows he never wants to lose it.

He lingers out of his thoughts just long enough to see her coming towards him. Dressed in scrub pants and a parka, her cheeks are stained red from the chill of walking. Her eyes sunken in from crying. They stare at each other for a moment. Linger in the sheer complexity of the moment, and the sheer simplicity of how natural it is for them to find each other in their moments of crisis, weakness, and joy. Her hair whips around her face in small chunks attempting to masquerade her now new tears.

She falls into him. Her head tilting to his shoulder. He takes her in like a little girl lost. She grips onto his shoulder blades and he hugs her. She cries. He whispers. She clings. He absorbs her shock. And they stand there, until somehow they know its ok to let go.

She is exhausted.

"I need to go. I need to go to Pittsburgh. The whole way here I thought, 'I can just leave her there, let someone else figure out what to do about it. Let someone else be the responsible one for a change'. But I can't, John. I have to get her. She's my mother. I need..."

"I'm coming. We'll do this together. Abby, listen to me. We can do this. We did it once, we'll do it again. I'll call Katie. We'll go."

"Carter…you don't have, too. I wasn't trying to imply, I don't want to inconvenience you…"

"I'm coming."

He smiles. She smiles, wryly, through her tears and leans into him once again. They are silent. After several minutes (although who was really counting?) he stands up.

He reaches out his hand, she takes it and together they go. Into the night…into the darkness.

Pittsburgh

They sit outside the hotel, finding themselves in the same situation they were in just one month before. Everything is the same and yet everything is different. This time, instead of a convertible they are parked in a 98' Toyota 4 Runner. Instead of a motel outside of Oklahoma they find themselves at a Best Value Inn minutes away from Pittsburgh International Airport.

The air is crisp. Winter is poking its icy fingers a little more into each day, but for now the sun still manages to have her way for a little longer. As Abby sits in the SUV and watches the wind swirl around her she can't help but reflect on how serene Pittsburgh is in the fall. Leaves are changing; a palate of reds, oranges and greens. Kids are playing in parks, their cheeks red, arms outstretched, waiting for Daddy's arms or the football to make the winning play. She can't help but wish herself into their worlds…if only for a minute's time. Yes, Pittsburgh feels warm and inviting. It feels so ironic that the only way she was able to discover this was to go rescue her once-again bottomed out mother. She thinks how funny it is to see beauty amidst such pain.

Abby wakes herself up from her internal monologue to find Carter's gaze on hers.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Penny for your thoughts?" he says, smiling.

"Oh, I think it's going to cost you little more than a penny for all I have going on in here, mister," she quips pointing at her head. It's an attempt at lightening the mood.

Well, it was a nice try.

"Abby…"

"Carter…"

Her hand reaches for the door. Silently, she's willing him to stop, yet begging him to continue (can she handle this right now?).

"Before we do this…before we go in there…" he stammers, wondering if he can continue.

"Carter, you don't have to do this. You don't have to explain. I can do this. I knew I shouldn't…"

At her fortieth attempt at an out for him, Carter reaches for her chin and turns it toward him.

"Abby, please, listen to me. I need you to hear me. When we were in Oklahoma…there were things I should have said…things I wanted to say. But I didn't. Rationality got the best of me. You were…you _are_ with Luka, and I realize that, and I don't expect any of that to change, but I just need you to know what you are to me."

If there wasn't a lump in Abby's throat before he started there definitely was one now.

"Carter, I don't know what to say…everything just feels so all over the place…I"

"Then all I ask is that you hear me out. Abby, you are so many things to me. Things I've never told you before, hell, things I've never told myself before, because I was scared of what it all might mean. But you know what? I feel these things even when I don't admit them, so I'm tired of hiding. And now I don't want to hold it in anymore. Life is fragile, and I've seen that precious balance everyday of my life. And yet, it's taken me a year to tell you how I feel. I'm just going to say it. Abby, you are my best friend. You are the keeper of my all my secrets and the container of all my dreams. You are the first person I look for when I get on a shift and the last person I want to see before I leave. When I have a problem I want you to solve it with me. When I'm happy I want you to be the one I share a piece of pie with."

He pauses. He looks at Abby and is met with a kaleidoscope of emotion. Her face is contorted somewhere between a cry and a sad smile. He knows he can continue. Because if he was scared before, he has found a way to continue in her eyes now, a way without fear.

"You are the person who makes me want to better myself, and to better others. You are the one I want to take to my charity dates and you are the one I want to help my patients. You are the one whose smile from across the hall can turn my worst day into a sweet memory."

"Carter." She's crying now. "Please…stop. I can't…you don't know…"

"Abby….most of all, most of all, I need you to know that you're worth fighting for. That I will always fight for you. When you're tired, let me carry you. Let me help carry the burdens of your battles." Now his eyes burn gently into hers with his gaze. Hoping if she looked hard enough she would see his heart.

"You're worth fighting for if we have to rescue your mother a hundred times over, one hundred hotels over. Oklahoma, Pittsburgh, Bloomington, Ann Arbor. I would go anywhere, to show you you're worth it. You are worth my fight. I know things are complicated. You're with Luka. I want you to hear me out. I don't wish bad things on you and Luka. So I will be here on the sidelines. Always. But I need you to know one thing. Before we go in there, if you've heard nothing else from this conversation, I need you to hear this.

I love you. I do. It's as simple and as complicated as that. I love you. And I don't really know when that happened, but it happened, and I don't want to know what I felt like before that day."

He's done, and spent, realizing his duties that day haven't even really started.

"John. John, I don't know what to say." Tears stream down her check and he reaches to swipe them away gently with his hand.

"It's okay, I didn't expect…"

"Wait. I love you too. I do." There. All of a sudden it's out in the open hanging in the air between them.

"I love you too, John. I don't know how everything else will work out, but I know like I know my name that I love you, and that I've been trying to deny it since the day we met. Everything else seems so up in the air right now, so confusing. But your love, I know."

She smiles. Looking at him (into him? She isn't sure.) she takes her hand and lightly caresses his cheek. She pulls him toward her and leans over the console of the car placing a light kiss on his lips. He reciprocates and puts his hand in her hair savoring the moment.

As quick and a splendid as it came, it ends. They look at each other, and he decides to be the first to speak.

"Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be…Carter, thank you. Again. I feel so cliché, but I know you didn't have to do this. Really. It means more than you know." She smiles. It warms the air between them.

"Abby, I'm here, and I wouldn't be anywhere else then here in this moment with you."

She shakes her head and as she reaches for the handle of the car door she hears...

"Besides, would you believe it if I told you I'd never been to Pittsburgh before?" He winks, reaching for her hand, and together they go. Not knowing what they will face, only knowing that from here on out they will face it together.

"_I've been waiting all my life  
I've been waiting for you to come  
I've been traveling and wandering  
Alone on my own for too long  
I swear I tried to convince myself  
It would be much easier being alone  
But after running circle after circle  
I'm tired of being on my own  
I've been waiting all my life  
I've been waiting for you to come."_

_A/N: Random quote stealings from Supplies and Demands, and the song at the end is by Rosie Thomas. GO listen to it and love it:)_


End file.
